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Diaryrings

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2002-07-26 - 9:24 a.m.

I should be happy. Today is Friday. I have only eight more hours of work today, one of which will be taken up by my lunch hour, and one of which will be taken up by my "training hour," during which I get to study any subject my heart desires and get the heck off the phones for an hour.

I should be happy. I get to wear blue jeans and my cushy boy-boots to work today.

I should be happy. The Sabbat rehearsal went very well last night.

I should be happy. It's almost the weekend.

But I'm really not happy. I can never be happy when the people I care about aren't happy.

I ought to be used to dating people either without jobs or without motivation, but I'm not. It makes me sad. I know I don't have a leg to stand on with a lecture, because there have been many, many points in my life when I had no motivation, either, and inertia was overwhelming. Besides, I don't want to lecture. I just want to be happy, but damn it, I can't be unless certain people shape up.

I can't be a motivating force in someone's life, apparently. Someone or something else has to do that. I just wish I knew how to enlist their/its help.

Megan the Red Queen

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