Diary of the Red Queen, Mama & Lunatic

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2004-07-01 - 1:56 p.m.

ME: (standard greeting)

HER: I need a ticket.

ME: ...For what purpose?

HER: My machine.

ME: ...And what is wrong with it?

HER: It's just running buggy.

ME: (picturing a computer running away with a baby buggy)...Are there any particular symptoms?

HER: Yes.

ME: ...What are they, please?

HER: It's slow.

ME: It's slow. OK. (fine, whatever, I don't feel like troubleshooting with this $(*#$&$%) May I have your employee number please?

HER: G94156.

ME: (tries to look up that number) I'm sorry, I am not finding anyone under that badge number. Do you have a six-digit number that's all numerals, no letters?

HER: I'M A CONTRACTOR!

ME: (My condolences, what the fuck does that have to do with anything?) OK, or is there any other way I might look you up?

HER: (Shouting) G! 9! 4! 1! 5! 6!

ME: (still calm) Yes, I actually got that, but as I said, I was unable to find anyone under that badge number.

HER: Well, maybe under my social?

ME: OK, may I have the last 6 digits please?

HER: 4135.

ME: I'm sorry; might I get the last six digits, please?

HER: 560244135.

ME: OK, so... 244135? (checks, finds idiot that way) And what is the tag number on the computer?

HER: (gives tag number)

ME: And the computer's location?

HER: Why?

ME: So that someone can fix it?

HER: (gives location)

ME: And what phone number can you be reached at?

HER: (gives phone number)

ME: And was there anything else I can do for you? (gritting teeth at this point)

HER: (*click*)

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