The Chessboard | Diary of the Red Queen, Mama & Lunatic

2002-08-02 - 12:10 p.m.

I think it's time to re-quote this song for now. It has been appropriate at several points in my life and I was just thinking about that point when I last quoted it.

It's too late to say you're sorry
You're just like every other lover
A shot rings out, and you go running for cover
And I'm so sorry I can't be your mother...

I think, to that, I would like to add this for the past:

I was afraid you'd hit me if I'd spoken up.
I was afraid of your physical strength.
I was afraid you'd hit below the belt.
I was afraid of your sucker punch.
I was afraid of your reducing me,
I was afraid of your alcohol breath.
I was afraid of your complete disregard for me.
I was afraid of your temper,
I was afraid of handles being flown off.
I was afraid of holes being punched into walls.
I was afraid of your testosterone.

I have as much rage as you have.
I have as much pain as you do.
I've lived as much hell as you have.
And I've kept mine bubbling under for you.

You were my best friend
You were my lover.
You were my mentor.
You were my brother.
You were my partner.
You were my teacher.
You were my very own sympathetic character.

I was afraid of verbal daggers.
I was afraid of the calm before the storm.
I was afraid of for my own bones.
I was afraid of your seduction.
I was afraid of your coercion.
I was afraid of your rejection.
I was afraid of your intimidation.
I was afraid of your punishment.
I was afraid of your icy silences.
I was afraid of your volume.
I was afraid of your manipulation.
I was afraid of your explosions.

I have as much rage as you have.
I have as much pain as you do.
I've lived as much hell as you have.
And I've kept mine bubbling under for you.

You were my keeper.
You were my anchor.
You were my family.
You were my savior.
And therein lay the issue.
And therein lay the problem.

--"Sympathetic Character" by Alanis Morisette

Megan the Red Queen

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